Idol thoughts.
I cannot sleep.
I've fallen into what, I think
they call complacency.
There are these ideas
it's like a sea
a school of thoughts
inside of me.
I cannot sleep.
I cannot think.
I cannot see, inside of me.
Here I lie,
In the dark.
And the shadows grey.
To reflect on what, I still
do not know.
For this school of thought
is still unknown.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Fields of Inspiration
Fields
Love
Opens another door
and sometimes
shows you
a room without walls.
Rooms with no floors and no cieling,
insatiable space.
You take me
to the room of love.
With no floors, no walls, and
the unknown of where it stops.
No cieling in sight.
Traveler
There are days,
while I read this book.
That I wish, you were
a time traveler.
I spent so much time
falling into others,
all I needed was you
all along.
It makes me think
you don't exist.
Of that it's all a
game, of fun.
Until there are moments
I realax.
I see clearly.
I understand.
I love you,
and you love me back.
We love deeply,
passionatly,
selflessly.
And for that
I still feel, I will
wake
from this fairytale.
Gasping Lungs
There was one night,
the first night.
I was with you.
In the midst of lust and gasping lungs
I met you,
and you met me.
And inbetween those sheets we spoke
of things we'd done,
religion and politics.
Each piece unwraping
even more lust in
one another.
I fell into you,
as you fell into
me.
On that night we started
this adventure,
this quest,
filling eachothers souls
with one another.
Love
Opens another door
and sometimes
shows you
a room without walls.
Rooms with no floors and no cieling,
insatiable space.
You take me
to the room of love.
With no floors, no walls, and
the unknown of where it stops.
No cieling in sight.
Traveler
There are days,
while I read this book.
That I wish, you were
a time traveler.
I spent so much time
falling into others,
all I needed was you
all along.
It makes me think
you don't exist.
Of that it's all a
game, of fun.
Until there are moments
I realax.
I see clearly.
I understand.
I love you,
and you love me back.
We love deeply,
passionatly,
selflessly.
And for that
I still feel, I will
wake
from this fairytale.
Gasping Lungs
There was one night,
the first night.
I was with you.
In the midst of lust and gasping lungs
I met you,
and you met me.
And inbetween those sheets we spoke
of things we'd done,
religion and politics.
Each piece unwraping
even more lust in
one another.
I fell into you,
as you fell into
me.
On that night we started
this adventure,
this quest,
filling eachothers souls
with one another.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Joshua Opened Me Back Up....
Josh's death has brought about alot of feelings for me that I had been holding deep inside. I will forver miss you and remember your spirt and how you always could make a nothing moment into something amazing. Love you always.
To You
Flashbacks to the days of 14.
We were young,
Free, encouraged to live and deam.
We did
drugs, drank, and smoked.
We were carefree, living
the dream.
So here I am
Pressing black to line my eyes.
Finally
I sprunk a leak, and
broke down to feel the water clense my face.
I feel
guilt and pain for who I am
and who I've become?
I got clean, I changed my act.
I am living the "American dream".
Stress, work, status, school.
Proving to all the norms,
How normal I really am.
But who were they,
when I was me
beside you?
They say true friends stay.
They say true friends walk away.
But instead here I am
lining my eyes with black.
So that the leaks may pour.
Streaming
my black insides
to the outside.
So those people,
these norms,
they understand, maybe
try and comprehend.
I was you
there with me
and now I am here
and I have lost you.
10 Pound Cat
Three A.M.
and I wake.
Alone, in my dark room
with tears
rolling
down my face,
wrenching of my stomach
while my heart
attepmts to jump
from my chest.
As my body disassembles,
angry with one another.
It makes room for the truth,
of loss,
to settle deep down
within.
I woke this morning
the sound
of winter rain outside
my window.
With the pressure
of a ten pound cat
on my chest.
Wait, that is just my cat.
No, it's the truth.
You are gone.
There is nothing to do, but
carry on.
Today I will sit alone,
in my room,
with my ten pound cat,
listening to the rain.
Trying to accept the weight
in my chest.
8 Thousand Decorative Pillows
It is so hard,
to keep a life
together.
When you know
it will all just,
come undone again.
I don't think it is fair
that so many
good souls
have gone.
I make my bed
in the morning.
Placing the 8 thousand
decorative pillows,
the decorative throw,
and the body size pillow
acting like a headboard.
Just to remove the 8 thousand
decorative pillows,
the decorative throw,
and the body size pillow
that acts like my headboard
To get back in at night
and fall asleep
alone.
I keep pushing
on with
their love in my heart.
I'll keep pushing
on,
to keep their spirit alive
within me.
I'll keep pushing those
with the choice
to keep it all
together.
Move forward.
Share your love
with those
you have left
behind.
Without the ability
to the the beauty
of your spirits
to overthrow their
understanding of what
it is to live.
We are all that is
left of you.
I will wake in the A.M.
Placing the 8 thousand decorative pillows,
the decorative throw,
a body size pillow that just plays a part
in all of this,
and top the bed with
a knitten quilt
made at the hands of
my late Grandmother.
To remind me why
I push.
Carrying the love of
lost souls.
To You
Flashbacks to the days of 14.
We were young,
Free, encouraged to live and deam.
We did
drugs, drank, and smoked.
We were carefree, living
the dream.
So here I am
Pressing black to line my eyes.
Finally
I sprunk a leak, and
broke down to feel the water clense my face.
I feel
guilt and pain for who I am
and who I've become?
I got clean, I changed my act.
I am living the "American dream".
Stress, work, status, school.
Proving to all the norms,
How normal I really am.
But who were they,
when I was me
beside you?
They say true friends stay.
They say true friends walk away.
But instead here I am
lining my eyes with black.
So that the leaks may pour.
Streaming
my black insides
to the outside.
So those people,
these norms,
they understand, maybe
try and comprehend.
I was you
there with me
and now I am here
and I have lost you.
10 Pound Cat
Three A.M.
and I wake.
Alone, in my dark room
with tears
rolling
down my face,
wrenching of my stomach
while my heart
attepmts to jump
from my chest.
As my body disassembles,
angry with one another.
It makes room for the truth,
of loss,
to settle deep down
within.
I woke this morning
the sound
of winter rain outside
my window.
With the pressure
of a ten pound cat
on my chest.
Wait, that is just my cat.
No, it's the truth.
You are gone.
There is nothing to do, but
carry on.
Today I will sit alone,
in my room,
with my ten pound cat,
listening to the rain.
Trying to accept the weight
in my chest.
8 Thousand Decorative Pillows
It is so hard,
to keep a life
together.
When you know
it will all just,
come undone again.
I don't think it is fair
that so many
good souls
have gone.
I make my bed
in the morning.
Placing the 8 thousand
decorative pillows,
the decorative throw,
and the body size pillow
acting like a headboard.
Just to remove the 8 thousand
decorative pillows,
the decorative throw,
and the body size pillow
that acts like my headboard
To get back in at night
and fall asleep
alone.
I keep pushing
on with
their love in my heart.
I'll keep pushing
on,
to keep their spirit alive
within me.
I'll keep pushing those
with the choice
to keep it all
together.
Move forward.
Share your love
with those
you have left
behind.
Without the ability
to the the beauty
of your spirits
to overthrow their
understanding of what
it is to live.
We are all that is
left of you.
I will wake in the A.M.
Placing the 8 thousand decorative pillows,
the decorative throw,
a body size pillow that just plays a part
in all of this,
and top the bed with
a knitten quilt
made at the hands of
my late Grandmother.
To remind me why
I push.
Carrying the love of
lost souls.
Monday, May 11, 2009
After Pre-Op Jitters
All Alone
Alone
As I take my bath to relax
Alone
As I cry and laugh at TV shows
Alone
as I lay myself to bed
Alone
As my cowardly fingers dial my childhood friend
Alone
As I tell her I am freaking out
Alone
As I admit how ugly and disgusting I feel
Alone
When I hang up, after the “I love you”s
Alone
As I sit in the dark
Alone.
I wake up
Alone
I drag myself out of bed
Alone.
I drove to the doctors
Alone
I am sitting in the waiting room
Alone
I am in the patient room
Alone
I am asking questions
Alone
I am understanding
Alone
I am accepting it
Alone
I am leaving
Alone
Alone
As I take my bath to relax
Alone
As I cry and laugh at TV shows
Alone
as I lay myself to bed
Alone
As my cowardly fingers dial my childhood friend
Alone
As I tell her I am freaking out
Alone
As I admit how ugly and disgusting I feel
Alone
When I hang up, after the “I love you”s
Alone
As I sit in the dark
Alone.
I wake up
Alone
I drag myself out of bed
Alone.
I drove to the doctors
Alone
I am sitting in the waiting room
Alone
I am in the patient room
Alone
I am asking questions
Alone
I am understanding
Alone
I am accepting it
Alone
I am leaving
Alone
Growing Pains
I escape into the water
To end what was an emotional day.
I ran the water
feeling for the perfect temperature
with my finger tips.
Plug the tub and add the lavender sea salt
I walk away.
Pour myself a drink and light the candles.
Put on a Charlie Parker album and prepare
To sink.
Departure to the only escape.
I dip in my toe, it soothes me.
And once my entire body is submerged
I allow my ears to drift below the surface
My head floating
Chest easing in and out of the water
With each breath I take.
And I focus on the beating of my heart.
It just keeps on beating,
But how does it beat when it’s broken.
Then I realize, it must not be broken
I must be feeling growing pains.
In the Knick of Time
Go ahead,
Poke me, biopsy me.
Draw my blood and have me pee in a cup.
Roll me into an operating room,
But it won’t change anything.
I am frail. My body is weak.
My eyes are sick of crying,
And my mind so sick of fretting.
My life has never stop living in these moments,
Of worry and fear of standing alone.
I am my only support and my best friend.
Only thing is what happens when I hate myself,
And I cannot bear to look in the mirror.
I will be there through anything, I will love unconditionally
I wish I could say my mother would do the same.
In my life her husband comes first
she chose him over me,
And the only one left standing alone was I.
I try to so hard to let her back into my life,
But she always seems to let me down right in the knick of time.
When I am finally feeling safe and keeping her near to my heart
She finds a way to step out of my life.
Concerned yet again with only herself.
If I was to call at 110 am when I was crying in the dark,
She would said “calm down, its not that bad”.
She would hang up the phone and go back to sleep.
I would be left crying alone with on one but me.
She would wake in the morning to wait for her man,
Picking her up from work
because little time they can spend
without holding each others hands.
He may have strength and she may be weak
But what does this give
This little girl, so scared and alone
Crying herself to sleep?
Rooting For Myself
I am growing like a tree.
The more years that I have
The harder it becomes to cut me down.
Every imperfection that develops,
The growing pains of a tree.
The life lessons, like scars on a humans skin;
These become the hardest place to break me apart.
I am choosing to grow.
Pushing my roots into the ground
And reaching my branches to the sky.
I choose to grow, and
To allow the sun to warm me and comfort me.
The changing of seasons to teach me that things are not always the same.
Sometime the nutrients of the soil will lose their moisture,
I will be left to wait for it to come again. Sometimes the cold of winter
Will turn my beauty brown and leave me bare
For the season.
I will return in following months flourishing with green.
I will keep coming back from the cold.
I will keep reaching for the sun
And make my way further into the ground
Making myself rooted and strong.
My will power and strength will be seen.
Sometimes it will be hard to recover
From a harsh cold season
But showing my beauty
Is worth
every knot of imperfection.
Can You Tell Me Why?
Why is it,
When it starts to come together
Your world falls apart again
Why is it
Everything that used to help
Used to make you happy
Suddenly makes you mad.
Why is it
When I talk
Sometimes it seems like no one is listening.;
Well at least not anymore.
Why is it
That Friday nights are now filled with parties
Drinking, drugs and drinking.
No one feels they cover it up.
Why is it
That we are so afraid to be ourselves these days
We want to be like everyone else
So we don’t stand out from the rest
Why is it
That we think it is best to blend it
To not be willing to be on a limb
To reach for the impossible
Why is it
That we are so afraid to dream big
Live to the fullest
And fall so hard
Your lungs feel like they will never fill again.
I escape into the water
To end what was an emotional day.
I ran the water
feeling for the perfect temperature
with my finger tips.
Plug the tub and add the lavender sea salt
I walk away.
Pour myself a drink and light the candles.
Put on a Charlie Parker album and prepare
To sink.
Departure to the only escape.
I dip in my toe, it soothes me.
And once my entire body is submerged
I allow my ears to drift below the surface
My head floating
Chest easing in and out of the water
With each breath I take.
And I focus on the beating of my heart.
It just keeps on beating,
But how does it beat when it’s broken.
Then I realize, it must not be broken
I must be feeling growing pains.
In the Knick of Time
Go ahead,
Poke me, biopsy me.
Draw my blood and have me pee in a cup.
Roll me into an operating room,
But it won’t change anything.
I am frail. My body is weak.
My eyes are sick of crying,
And my mind so sick of fretting.
My life has never stop living in these moments,
Of worry and fear of standing alone.
I am my only support and my best friend.
Only thing is what happens when I hate myself,
And I cannot bear to look in the mirror.
I will be there through anything, I will love unconditionally
I wish I could say my mother would do the same.
In my life her husband comes first
she chose him over me,
And the only one left standing alone was I.
I try to so hard to let her back into my life,
But she always seems to let me down right in the knick of time.
When I am finally feeling safe and keeping her near to my heart
She finds a way to step out of my life.
Concerned yet again with only herself.
If I was to call at 110 am when I was crying in the dark,
She would said “calm down, its not that bad”.
She would hang up the phone and go back to sleep.
I would be left crying alone with on one but me.
She would wake in the morning to wait for her man,
Picking her up from work
because little time they can spend
without holding each others hands.
He may have strength and she may be weak
But what does this give
This little girl, so scared and alone
Crying herself to sleep?
Rooting For Myself
I am growing like a tree.
The more years that I have
The harder it becomes to cut me down.
Every imperfection that develops,
The growing pains of a tree.
The life lessons, like scars on a humans skin;
These become the hardest place to break me apart.
I am choosing to grow.
Pushing my roots into the ground
And reaching my branches to the sky.
I choose to grow, and
To allow the sun to warm me and comfort me.
The changing of seasons to teach me that things are not always the same.
Sometime the nutrients of the soil will lose their moisture,
I will be left to wait for it to come again. Sometimes the cold of winter
Will turn my beauty brown and leave me bare
For the season.
I will return in following months flourishing with green.
I will keep coming back from the cold.
I will keep reaching for the sun
And make my way further into the ground
Making myself rooted and strong.
My will power and strength will be seen.
Sometimes it will be hard to recover
From a harsh cold season
But showing my beauty
Is worth
every knot of imperfection.
Can You Tell Me Why?
Why is it,
When it starts to come together
Your world falls apart again
Why is it
Everything that used to help
Used to make you happy
Suddenly makes you mad.
Why is it
When I talk
Sometimes it seems like no one is listening.;
Well at least not anymore.
Why is it
That Friday nights are now filled with parties
Drinking, drugs and drinking.
No one feels they cover it up.
Why is it
That we are so afraid to be ourselves these days
We want to be like everyone else
So we don’t stand out from the rest
Why is it
That we think it is best to blend it
To not be willing to be on a limb
To reach for the impossible
Why is it
That we are so afraid to dream big
Live to the fullest
And fall so hard
Your lungs feel like they will never fill again.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Constrictions are fun?
I had to create a restriction and write a poem from it.... I chose to compose a poem using as many book titles as I could from my bookshelf to explain my life.... didn't turn out too bad after all.
Exploring my Bookshelf
I was once a Youth in Crisis;
Swimming in my own World Of Ideas.
Thinking I held the knowledge to life,
Like rock star heaven.
One day I would walk the red carpet.
I had the mapped out games of the Party Book.
I refused to take The Covenant.
Why would I restrict my life like that?
I want to Make Love Like a Porn Star.
Fuck them like Jenna Jameson.
When I grew up I would be the queen of Total Photography
and passion.
What else could I ask for.
Until I had to Be Here Now.
And living like I held the Red Badge of Courage.
But broken,
The Straight Razor always with me.
I was like the Book of the Dead
But I was still living.
I was not invincible, I was wrong?
The Dark of the Moon lit the car crash.
I had to give The Appeal to myself
As the cold hard clink of the sliding jail bars
Slammed shut.
I had to face the facts that I didn’t know me anymore.
This is The Good Things About America. Right?
My Dad used to lock up scum from the street
In this same row of cells.
And then it was Alcoholics Anonymous
Life was like a Honeymoon.
I was Analyzing Moral Issues.
The Drifters of my friends left in the dust.
The cloud of dirt I left back there.
Escaping from the past.
Now I try to be Gorgeously Green.
And doing The Only Dance There Is.
Life.
Driving the Pacific Coast
California.
My dream.
The New World Dictionary of life
is at my fingertips.
-- Jacquelyn Ellison
Exploring my Bookshelf
I was once a Youth in Crisis;
Swimming in my own World Of Ideas.
Thinking I held the knowledge to life,
Like rock star heaven.
One day I would walk the red carpet.
I had the mapped out games of the Party Book.
I refused to take The Covenant.
Why would I restrict my life like that?
I want to Make Love Like a Porn Star.
Fuck them like Jenna Jameson.
When I grew up I would be the queen of Total Photography
and passion.
What else could I ask for.
Until I had to Be Here Now.
And living like I held the Red Badge of Courage.
But broken,
The Straight Razor always with me.
I was like the Book of the Dead
But I was still living.
I was not invincible, I was wrong?
The Dark of the Moon lit the car crash.
I had to give The Appeal to myself
As the cold hard clink of the sliding jail bars
Slammed shut.
I had to face the facts that I didn’t know me anymore.
This is The Good Things About America. Right?
My Dad used to lock up scum from the street
In this same row of cells.
And then it was Alcoholics Anonymous
Life was like a Honeymoon.
I was Analyzing Moral Issues.
The Drifters of my friends left in the dust.
The cloud of dirt I left back there.
Escaping from the past.
Now I try to be Gorgeously Green.
And doing The Only Dance There Is.
Life.
Driving the Pacific Coast
California.
My dream.
The New World Dictionary of life
is at my fingertips.
-- Jacquelyn Ellison
Saturday, March 28, 2009
The Explination of Living
Is there a way to explain,
what it is. This thing called living?
Is it possible within the english language.
To describe the way your life transpires.
The feeling of sand between your toes,
how hot water from your perfect shower head setting feels
as it pours over your body.
The sound of the hammer,
precisely setting a nail to hang your favorite painting.
They always say if only walls could talk,
but what would happen if our words could really tell the story.
You are the only one who will ever really understand
every sound, every feeling, every emotion.
Don't forget to stop and enjoy them.
what it is. This thing called living?
Is it possible within the english language.
To describe the way your life transpires.
The feeling of sand between your toes,
how hot water from your perfect shower head setting feels
as it pours over your body.
The sound of the hammer,
precisely setting a nail to hang your favorite painting.
They always say if only walls could talk,
but what would happen if our words could really tell the story.
You are the only one who will ever really understand
every sound, every feeling, every emotion.
Don't forget to stop and enjoy them.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Raw and Unpolished
Genetic Transference
There is this notion,
They call it family these days. These,
People who are like us, but
Really nothing in the same.
My family judges, quickly, first to remark on the bad luck of another.
Last by my side to catch me as I fall.
I am quick to their side when the universe,
The universe decides to take someone away.
I am not them. I am not just someone.
I am the one who drops it all to catch,
Someone, anyone, no matter who,
Before they collide with the floor.
I see the need for love these days,
Those things we titled family. It’s
Just a labeled genetic transference.
Your family is there, by your side, until the moment you collide
With their arms and their strength, never letting you
Crash against the rubble
the universe leaves behind.
The Desire of Time and Space
I am the one people saw ages in.
I am young, I am free to do the things us young kids do.
But I feel this pull of desire to show others there is no one to tell you what is your age.
You live for the moment. You should feel what is in your soul, and
If a song hits you, move.
I don’t care what all the others do. The music connects with your spirit,
Wrapping its beauty and chaos and moving it
With every beat.
Feel it.
As it takes over your soul and connects your body with motions.
Take them. Allow yourself to go with your inner activity.
Don’t look around. Don’t wonder what they think.
Live.
This moment is rare. If you catch this capitulation
If you notice it in time
Let it take you, because when it takes you
You will never be the same.
Music is beauty of collision between body and soul.
The release of fear of the unknown you have locked within you.
You are the only one who is aware of this moment,
This movement, this desire of time and space.
Live because your age does not matter.
These moments matter, the ones some many never discover.
Give up to being a loner.
Surrender to yourself, because alone you are an outcast.
Allow your old-soul to collide with you today and
Feel all the things you knew before.
Relationshits
Love.
It lets you feel these passions,
This intense overflow of sensations.
You become raw, real, skin and bones.
Your heart is exposed, and still beating.
You trust them as they touch your skin.
You allow them to look into your eyes and
Expose your soul.
Nervous.
Because you don’t really know the future.
I am going to spend the rest of my life with you.
I’ve heard that before.
You promised. You lied.
You are everything I feared.
Trust, what is that?
How did they develop a 5 letter word
To explain darkness,
The unknown.
It’s like closing your eyes and leaning
Hoping that your partner is going to catch you when you fall.
Desire.
I am closing my eyes.
I will fall into you.
If are not there when I take that final leap.
Trust still remains, for the next real man I meet.
You were just a fraud.
Running Towards the Light
I want to die.
I feel the dark cave calling my name.
The idea that the universe doesn’t expect me to survive.
I will fight. Tooth and nail to run,
Hide. Never look into the eyes of giving up.
I am not that person. I was once
I tried a few times.
I will run faster, harder, quicker.
I dart into an alley. It is dark.
I don’t like the dark. I jump the fence make my way
To the park.
There are children here who smile, play.
There is sun here it warming my skin. I see hope again.
I turn and look despair in the eyese and I say
You will not take me. I am strong.
I have to live. I will have kids. I will make a family.
I will save others who see you. And when
They are afraid to face you.
I will hold their hand and together
We will laugh in your face
Because my life is worth more than
Nothing.
You are the nothing. The idea that you live within me
I take one day, one step, one second at a time.
I will continue to see you in the past,
Because you are not welcome in my future.
Millionaires Advance
We are so damn luck.
Don’t you get that.
If you are reading this right now
You have something.
Your some things are probably more than the bum
On the corner.
You just pass him.
Maybe even laugh,
He is scum to those who can afford this.
Maybe once upon a time he was you.
Bad things happen to good people.
If you just pass him
Without a second glance
Your just as bad as the millionaire
Looking for an advance.
I Feel Giving
I feel sometimes,
Like I am the only one.
Everyone is moving, Seeming as if they know where they are going.
But I stop.
Pull over, grab a bag from my trunk.
Walk.
I cross the street, to the man holding his
I’m Hungry sign.
And I offer with as much grace and compassion,
For a grown man to take
Food from my hands.
I could feel you grandma at this moment.
Better yet I always can.
You have made me unique,
And I want things not only for me but the man
On the corner.
Every single person I see.
I feel the wind blowing around me.
It feels like your arms are wrapping around me,
You are always here, always will be.
In me.
Seedling
I am the black seed.
The member of the family,
They when they see me they ask how they even know me.
I am a shining light,
The only one in the family
Building houses for the poor
I am their deepest grief.
I admit flaws and joined a program.
They are my family.
They are my unknown.
Why don’t they feel with their hearts.
The way I do?
Why do they hoard their money for themselves.
How is it your family when they don’t want to save someone else.
Spring
I believe in the rain,
That it comes to cleanse the world of the excess baggage.
It gives the illusion of clarity.
As you listen to the drops.
It’s stories of the world, mother nature.
Births and deaths.
Hammers and axes.
The rise and fall of ecosystems.
She is talking to us.
Do you stop and listen.
Do you respect all the things she gives us.
She is just refreshing.
Rinsing off the scum and allowing herself to be clean again.
Do you stop and thank her.
Or do just trash her.
Leave her to die.
Complain that she’s being cold.
If only you would put your ear to ground
And listen
And hear
She breaths like us.
She needs air to nurture the young.
Stop suffocating her.
Stop and think.
Stop and thank.
There is this notion,
They call it family these days. These,
People who are like us, but
Really nothing in the same.
My family judges, quickly, first to remark on the bad luck of another.
Last by my side to catch me as I fall.
I am quick to their side when the universe,
The universe decides to take someone away.
I am not them. I am not just someone.
I am the one who drops it all to catch,
Someone, anyone, no matter who,
Before they collide with the floor.
I see the need for love these days,
Those things we titled family. It’s
Just a labeled genetic transference.
Your family is there, by your side, until the moment you collide
With their arms and their strength, never letting you
Crash against the rubble
the universe leaves behind.
The Desire of Time and Space
I am the one people saw ages in.
I am young, I am free to do the things us young kids do.
But I feel this pull of desire to show others there is no one to tell you what is your age.
You live for the moment. You should feel what is in your soul, and
If a song hits you, move.
I don’t care what all the others do. The music connects with your spirit,
Wrapping its beauty and chaos and moving it
With every beat.
Feel it.
As it takes over your soul and connects your body with motions.
Take them. Allow yourself to go with your inner activity.
Don’t look around. Don’t wonder what they think.
Live.
This moment is rare. If you catch this capitulation
If you notice it in time
Let it take you, because when it takes you
You will never be the same.
Music is beauty of collision between body and soul.
The release of fear of the unknown you have locked within you.
You are the only one who is aware of this moment,
This movement, this desire of time and space.
Live because your age does not matter.
These moments matter, the ones some many never discover.
Give up to being a loner.
Surrender to yourself, because alone you are an outcast.
Allow your old-soul to collide with you today and
Feel all the things you knew before.
Relationshits
Love.
It lets you feel these passions,
This intense overflow of sensations.
You become raw, real, skin and bones.
Your heart is exposed, and still beating.
You trust them as they touch your skin.
You allow them to look into your eyes and
Expose your soul.
Nervous.
Because you don’t really know the future.
I am going to spend the rest of my life with you.
I’ve heard that before.
You promised. You lied.
You are everything I feared.
Trust, what is that?
How did they develop a 5 letter word
To explain darkness,
The unknown.
It’s like closing your eyes and leaning
Hoping that your partner is going to catch you when you fall.
Desire.
I am closing my eyes.
I will fall into you.
If are not there when I take that final leap.
Trust still remains, for the next real man I meet.
You were just a fraud.
Running Towards the Light
I want to die.
I feel the dark cave calling my name.
The idea that the universe doesn’t expect me to survive.
I will fight. Tooth and nail to run,
Hide. Never look into the eyes of giving up.
I am not that person. I was once
I tried a few times.
I will run faster, harder, quicker.
I dart into an alley. It is dark.
I don’t like the dark. I jump the fence make my way
To the park.
There are children here who smile, play.
There is sun here it warming my skin. I see hope again.
I turn and look despair in the eyese and I say
You will not take me. I am strong.
I have to live. I will have kids. I will make a family.
I will save others who see you. And when
They are afraid to face you.
I will hold their hand and together
We will laugh in your face
Because my life is worth more than
Nothing.
You are the nothing. The idea that you live within me
I take one day, one step, one second at a time.
I will continue to see you in the past,
Because you are not welcome in my future.
Millionaires Advance
We are so damn luck.
Don’t you get that.
If you are reading this right now
You have something.
Your some things are probably more than the bum
On the corner.
You just pass him.
Maybe even laugh,
He is scum to those who can afford this.
Maybe once upon a time he was you.
Bad things happen to good people.
If you just pass him
Without a second glance
Your just as bad as the millionaire
Looking for an advance.
I Feel Giving
I feel sometimes,
Like I am the only one.
Everyone is moving, Seeming as if they know where they are going.
But I stop.
Pull over, grab a bag from my trunk.
Walk.
I cross the street, to the man holding his
I’m Hungry sign.
And I offer with as much grace and compassion,
For a grown man to take
Food from my hands.
I could feel you grandma at this moment.
Better yet I always can.
You have made me unique,
And I want things not only for me but the man
On the corner.
Every single person I see.
I feel the wind blowing around me.
It feels like your arms are wrapping around me,
You are always here, always will be.
In me.
Seedling
I am the black seed.
The member of the family,
They when they see me they ask how they even know me.
I am a shining light,
The only one in the family
Building houses for the poor
I am their deepest grief.
I admit flaws and joined a program.
They are my family.
They are my unknown.
Why don’t they feel with their hearts.
The way I do?
Why do they hoard their money for themselves.
How is it your family when they don’t want to save someone else.
Spring
I believe in the rain,
That it comes to cleanse the world of the excess baggage.
It gives the illusion of clarity.
As you listen to the drops.
It’s stories of the world, mother nature.
Births and deaths.
Hammers and axes.
The rise and fall of ecosystems.
She is talking to us.
Do you stop and listen.
Do you respect all the things she gives us.
She is just refreshing.
Rinsing off the scum and allowing herself to be clean again.
Do you stop and thank her.
Or do just trash her.
Leave her to die.
Complain that she’s being cold.
If only you would put your ear to ground
And listen
And hear
She breaths like us.
She needs air to nurture the young.
Stop suffocating her.
Stop and think.
Stop and thank.
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