All Alone
Alone
As I take my bath to relax
Alone
As I cry and laugh at TV shows
Alone
as I lay myself to bed
Alone
As my cowardly fingers dial my childhood friend
Alone
As I tell her I am freaking out
Alone
As I admit how ugly and disgusting I feel
Alone
When I hang up, after the “I love you”s
Alone
As I sit in the dark
Alone.
I wake up
Alone
I drag myself out of bed
Alone.
I drove to the doctors
Alone
I am sitting in the waiting room
Alone
I am in the patient room
Alone
I am asking questions
Alone
I am understanding
Alone
I am accepting it
Alone
I am leaving
Alone
Alone
As I take my bath to relax
Alone
As I cry and laugh at TV shows
Alone
as I lay myself to bed
Alone
As my cowardly fingers dial my childhood friend
Alone
As I tell her I am freaking out
Alone
As I admit how ugly and disgusting I feel
Alone
When I hang up, after the “I love you”s
Alone
As I sit in the dark
Alone.
I wake up
Alone
I drag myself out of bed
Alone.
I drove to the doctors
Alone
I am sitting in the waiting room
Alone
I am in the patient room
Alone
I am asking questions
Alone
I am understanding
Alone
I am accepting it
Alone
I am leaving
Alone
Growing Pains
I escape into the water
To end what was an emotional day.
I ran the water
feeling for the perfect temperature
with my finger tips.
Plug the tub and add the lavender sea salt
I walk away.
Pour myself a drink and light the candles.
Put on a Charlie Parker album and prepare
To sink.
Departure to the only escape.
I dip in my toe, it soothes me.
And once my entire body is submerged
I allow my ears to drift below the surface
My head floating
Chest easing in and out of the water
With each breath I take.
And I focus on the beating of my heart.
It just keeps on beating,
But how does it beat when it’s broken.
Then I realize, it must not be broken
I must be feeling growing pains.
In the Knick of Time
Go ahead,
Poke me, biopsy me.
Draw my blood and have me pee in a cup.
Roll me into an operating room,
But it won’t change anything.
I am frail. My body is weak.
My eyes are sick of crying,
And my mind so sick of fretting.
My life has never stop living in these moments,
Of worry and fear of standing alone.
I am my only support and my best friend.
Only thing is what happens when I hate myself,
And I cannot bear to look in the mirror.
I will be there through anything, I will love unconditionally
I wish I could say my mother would do the same.
In my life her husband comes first
she chose him over me,
And the only one left standing alone was I.
I try to so hard to let her back into my life,
But she always seems to let me down right in the knick of time.
When I am finally feeling safe and keeping her near to my heart
She finds a way to step out of my life.
Concerned yet again with only herself.
If I was to call at 110 am when I was crying in the dark,
She would said “calm down, its not that bad”.
She would hang up the phone and go back to sleep.
I would be left crying alone with on one but me.
She would wake in the morning to wait for her man,
Picking her up from work
because little time they can spend
without holding each others hands.
He may have strength and she may be weak
But what does this give
This little girl, so scared and alone
Crying herself to sleep?
Rooting For Myself
I am growing like a tree.
The more years that I have
The harder it becomes to cut me down.
Every imperfection that develops,
The growing pains of a tree.
The life lessons, like scars on a humans skin;
These become the hardest place to break me apart.
I am choosing to grow.
Pushing my roots into the ground
And reaching my branches to the sky.
I choose to grow, and
To allow the sun to warm me and comfort me.
The changing of seasons to teach me that things are not always the same.
Sometime the nutrients of the soil will lose their moisture,
I will be left to wait for it to come again. Sometimes the cold of winter
Will turn my beauty brown and leave me bare
For the season.
I will return in following months flourishing with green.
I will keep coming back from the cold.
I will keep reaching for the sun
And make my way further into the ground
Making myself rooted and strong.
My will power and strength will be seen.
Sometimes it will be hard to recover
From a harsh cold season
But showing my beauty
Is worth
every knot of imperfection.
Can You Tell Me Why?
Why is it,
When it starts to come together
Your world falls apart again
Why is it
Everything that used to help
Used to make you happy
Suddenly makes you mad.
Why is it
When I talk
Sometimes it seems like no one is listening.;
Well at least not anymore.
Why is it
That Friday nights are now filled with parties
Drinking, drugs and drinking.
No one feels they cover it up.
Why is it
That we are so afraid to be ourselves these days
We want to be like everyone else
So we don’t stand out from the rest
Why is it
That we think it is best to blend it
To not be willing to be on a limb
To reach for the impossible
Why is it
That we are so afraid to dream big
Live to the fullest
And fall so hard
Your lungs feel like they will never fill again.
I escape into the water
To end what was an emotional day.
I ran the water
feeling for the perfect temperature
with my finger tips.
Plug the tub and add the lavender sea salt
I walk away.
Pour myself a drink and light the candles.
Put on a Charlie Parker album and prepare
To sink.
Departure to the only escape.
I dip in my toe, it soothes me.
And once my entire body is submerged
I allow my ears to drift below the surface
My head floating
Chest easing in and out of the water
With each breath I take.
And I focus on the beating of my heart.
It just keeps on beating,
But how does it beat when it’s broken.
Then I realize, it must not be broken
I must be feeling growing pains.
In the Knick of Time
Go ahead,
Poke me, biopsy me.
Draw my blood and have me pee in a cup.
Roll me into an operating room,
But it won’t change anything.
I am frail. My body is weak.
My eyes are sick of crying,
And my mind so sick of fretting.
My life has never stop living in these moments,
Of worry and fear of standing alone.
I am my only support and my best friend.
Only thing is what happens when I hate myself,
And I cannot bear to look in the mirror.
I will be there through anything, I will love unconditionally
I wish I could say my mother would do the same.
In my life her husband comes first
she chose him over me,
And the only one left standing alone was I.
I try to so hard to let her back into my life,
But she always seems to let me down right in the knick of time.
When I am finally feeling safe and keeping her near to my heart
She finds a way to step out of my life.
Concerned yet again with only herself.
If I was to call at 110 am when I was crying in the dark,
She would said “calm down, its not that bad”.
She would hang up the phone and go back to sleep.
I would be left crying alone with on one but me.
She would wake in the morning to wait for her man,
Picking her up from work
because little time they can spend
without holding each others hands.
He may have strength and she may be weak
But what does this give
This little girl, so scared and alone
Crying herself to sleep?
Rooting For Myself
I am growing like a tree.
The more years that I have
The harder it becomes to cut me down.
Every imperfection that develops,
The growing pains of a tree.
The life lessons, like scars on a humans skin;
These become the hardest place to break me apart.
I am choosing to grow.
Pushing my roots into the ground
And reaching my branches to the sky.
I choose to grow, and
To allow the sun to warm me and comfort me.
The changing of seasons to teach me that things are not always the same.
Sometime the nutrients of the soil will lose their moisture,
I will be left to wait for it to come again. Sometimes the cold of winter
Will turn my beauty brown and leave me bare
For the season.
I will return in following months flourishing with green.
I will keep coming back from the cold.
I will keep reaching for the sun
And make my way further into the ground
Making myself rooted and strong.
My will power and strength will be seen.
Sometimes it will be hard to recover
From a harsh cold season
But showing my beauty
Is worth
every knot of imperfection.
Can You Tell Me Why?
Why is it,
When it starts to come together
Your world falls apart again
Why is it
Everything that used to help
Used to make you happy
Suddenly makes you mad.
Why is it
When I talk
Sometimes it seems like no one is listening.;
Well at least not anymore.
Why is it
That Friday nights are now filled with parties
Drinking, drugs and drinking.
No one feels they cover it up.
Why is it
That we are so afraid to be ourselves these days
We want to be like everyone else
So we don’t stand out from the rest
Why is it
That we think it is best to blend it
To not be willing to be on a limb
To reach for the impossible
Why is it
That we are so afraid to dream big
Live to the fullest
And fall so hard
Your lungs feel like they will never fill again.
